Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were trust falling into bushes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
