Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
