I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
