we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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