Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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