Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
