Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
