Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
