Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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