I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
