She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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