Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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