i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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