There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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