and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
