I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
