drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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