I just pynch a tree in the face
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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