I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
