She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
