I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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