Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
