It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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