Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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