we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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