yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
