she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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