I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
