why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
