Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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