Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
