i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
