At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
