So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
