Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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