Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
