life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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