Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
