Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
