i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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