i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Threesome in a minivan. New low
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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