I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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