mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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