you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
