Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
