I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
