I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
