i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
