What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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