hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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