surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
