Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
