she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
