you traded sex for a burrito?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
