put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
