let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
