Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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