let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
