and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
