We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
