Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
