This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
