So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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