you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
