i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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