I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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