did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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