That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
