physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
